Dinner with Friends

Sitting around a dining table of friends the other night and really enjoying myself when I was struck with a random thought. There were three adults at the table and, in the recent past, I have been in a rough emotional spot with all three of them. And yet, here I was, enjoying a fine meal with good conversation and lots of laughter.

There were no regrets and no hard feelings, just a strong urge to pick up and move back towards each other. I had to think for a moment why I was able to be in that situation and function happily and normally. Then I realized it was that I had done the hurt (even though the intentions could never be explained for at least one of them, but understandably communications and misunderstandings were to blame at most for the other two).

What surprised me in these cases is that we could move on and continue to enjoy each others' company even when hurts had been visited upon the relationship from a medium flare-up to the most heinous. This speaks most about who these people are and their constitution and strength.

When someone hurts me, now that is a different story. I am not so easy for forgive or forget. Especially when much-needed apologies are not forthcoming and/or other petty issues arise in a discussion that only confirm that there are deep-seated issues that really have nothing to do with me, except for the hurt I feel, which is my problem and my problem only.

In these cases before me, it had taken a while, but I was able to tell each person that I was sorry for my actions or feelings that had botched up our relationship. With one of the friends, who is misunderstood by more than a few folks, her caring was evident when we talked, with me stammering over the words so needed to heal the friendship. She made it easy for me, thankfully.

The other friend and I had a misunderstanding over how much one friend should tell another in times of relationship crisis. At the time, I thought that doing nothing was the smart thing and it was not. I am sorry that I did not have the courage to have the hard talk that needed to be had.

The other person and I go way back and because of my own inner demons and hurt child, I tossed him to the curb when I was most vulnerable and angry with myself. A long path back started with one step on both sides; we're still walking on that journey.

I am thankful for these people in my life who, by their own generosity of spirit and love, have shown me that relationships that have had a hard knock or two can be healed and be stronger than ever. Those are the relationships that I will hold dear. Those are the relationships that will make me a better person in the long (long,long) run.

I am thankful for their patience and teaching.